Originally posted by SorrowLi:Hi Rock^Star,
Do you really mean it? It seems too extreme to do this.
First of all, has he ever treated you like a son? Has he loved you like a father should?
I dont think i will cry for him, I wont be able to have tears for him.
but i will attend his funeral. after all he is still my dad.
Originally posted by SorrowLi:I dont think i will cry for him, I wont be able to have tears for him.
but i will attend his funeral. after all he is still my dad.
so your friends and relatives know about your estranged relationship? no point having an expensive funeral, just a spartan one will do?
Originally posted by Jacky Woo:so your friends and relatives know about your estranged relationship? no point having an expensive funeral, just a spartan one will do?
All our relatives knows about this, and they have given up hope on him. As for the funeral, I dont think it is important to be expensive. A decent one will be good.
Originally posted by SorrowLi:Today I had another quarrel with my dad. The feeling is so bad that I had to find a way to vent my anger and sadness. Guess one way is to pen this down.
Since young, my dad don’t bother to take care of mum, brother and me. We had been staying with grandma and taken care of by grandma since we were born till the age of 12. It was then that we were seen as old enough to work that we were brought back to stay with dad. Since then we were forced to work in dad’s shop and earn our own living. Working after school till 8pm and earning a tiny $3 a day. Dad was never in the shop to help out, only collecting money at end of the day. My days only got better when I got fed up and signed up with the SAF’s at the age of 16. My dad did not want to pay for my school fee and therefore I had no choice but to seek SAF’s sponsorship for my diploma and earning a monthly allowance at the same time.
Feeling grateful of what SAF had provided me, I worked hard in the SAF and was promoted along the way. Things got even better when I was given the opportunity to study in UK.
During my studies, I read a lot of Buddhist teachings which always remind to be forgiving and providing for your parents. Even though I kind of hated my dad, I still believe that I should provide for my parents with what I can afford. So I suggested having our whole family pool our savings together (Bro, me and dad each paying 33.33%) to purchase a condo and the rental will be given to mum and dad. Dad readily took up the offer, we purchased the condo, but he took the entire rental without sharing with mum. Know his greedy nature, we just let him be.
Years passed and I returned to Singapore. I found my true love in UK and we were preparing to get married. The condo had appreciated more than $200k and I suggested to sell the condo at this high price to share the profit and thereafter we can buy again when the economy goes down again. But dad do not bother with my wedding, he is more concerned with losing the rental then sharing the profits first and helping me in my wedding. His reason in not selling, he did not take good care of us since young and he can trust no one in the world to provide for him!
Mum was so angry with him that she silently told me that she will help me with her $30k of private savings. But this was found out by dad when he saw mum’s messages in my phone.
After much quarreling, he suddenly agreed to loan me 60k (of which he took mum’s $30k and claimed as his own) and that I have to return the entire 60k to his own account. To this, mum and I conceded.
Days passed and (for 5 months) almost every fortnights dad would ask on when will the 60k be returned or that I need to buy new household item like washing machines, pay bills for him.
Today, 10 Dec 2011, he got worst! He actually asked me to take the maximum cash-out housing loan to repay him the 60k (of which 30k is not his) and the rest must be kept by him for his personal purchase of shop house and more rental for himself! The reason being he needs to look after himself and there are so many news saying children are not taking care of their parents!
But thinking aloud myself, did dad ever treat us as his children?
-The sorrow one
No, you and your brother are only by-products of his sexual pleasures with your mother.
Family relationship is a two way street.
He don't give a shit about you, you shouldn't have given shits about him.
Yes he is your father, he is also a human being.
From the get go, you and your family had been enabling his behavior. For whatever reason, I don't know.
Maybe you are hoping he will pass on his shop/business to you when he is old ? He is obviously capable of making his own money and taking care of himself.
Does your father has another family outside ? Maybe he keeps the money to feed another set of mouth ?
Whatever you wish to do, as long as you are not putting everyone in financial jeopardy, you should be able to go ahead and do what you wish.
As for the condo, get him to buy your share out.. after that, you can wash you hands of him and let him rot in peace.
Your father is not stupid . He is well aware he had not been a pious father .. so he cannot expect his sons to be filial to him back.
On filial piety, not a sided thing...note : Love cannot be forced and respect is earned.
"Essentially, filial piety is one of the “right relationships” for which Confucius advocated. The definition includes the responsibility of each person to respect their parents, obey them, take care of them as they age, advise parents, and of course to love them. Loving one’s parents and offering them respect is the spring from which other forms of filial piety flows. A relationship with parents must be centered on love and respect.
This does not mean that children always obey. In fact some schools of Confucian and Buddhist thought feel the adult child must point out the parent’s mistakes and help to teach them. Confucius often emphasized the circuitous relationship of life. When the child is young, the parent is strong, preeminent and due all respect. When the child is an adult he or she must take the place of the parent and lead the family."
BTW, how old is he?
Originally posted by SorrowLi:Today I had another quarrel with my dad. The feeling is so bad that I had to find a way to vent my anger and sadness. Guess one way is to pen this down.
Since young, my dad don’t bother to take care of mum, brother and me. We had been staying with grandma and taken care of by grandma since we were born till the age of 12. It was then that we were seen as old enough to work that we were brought back to stay with dad. Since then we were forced to work in dad’s shop and earn our own living. Working after school till 8pm and earning a tiny $3 a day. Dad was never in the shop to help out, only collecting money at end of the day. My days only got better when I got fed up and signed up with the SAF’s at the age of 16. My dad did not want to pay for my school fee and therefore I had no choice but to seek SAF’s sponsorship for my diploma and earning a monthly allowance at the same time.
Feeling grateful of what SAF had provided me, I worked hard in the SAF and was promoted along the way. Things got even better when I was given the opportunity to study in UK.
During my studies, I read a lot of Buddhist teachings which always remind to be forgiving and providing for your parents. Even though I kind of hated my dad, I still believe that I should provide for my parents with what I can afford. So I suggested having our whole family pool our savings together (Bro, me and dad each paying 33.33%) to purchase a condo and the rental will be given to mum and dad. Dad readily took up the offer, we purchased the condo, but he took the entire rental without sharing with mum. Know his greedy nature, we just let him be.
Years passed and I returned to Singapore. I found my true love in UK and we were preparing to get married. The condo had appreciated more than $200k and I suggested to sell the condo at this high price to share the profit and thereafter we can buy again when the economy goes down again. But dad do not bother with my wedding, he is more concerned with losing the rental then sharing the profits first and helping me in my wedding. His reason in not selling, he did not take good care of us since young and he can trust no one in the world to provide for him!
Mum was so angry with him that she silently told me that she will help me with her $30k of private savings. But this was found out by dad when he saw mum’s messages in my phone.
After much quarreling, he suddenly agreed to loan me 60k (of which he took mum’s $30k and claimed as his own) and that I have to return the entire 60k to his own account. To this, mum and I conceded.
Days passed and (for 5 months) almost every fortnights dad would ask on when will the 60k be returned or that I need to buy new household item like washing machines, pay bills for him.
Today, 10 Dec 2011, he got worst! He actually asked me to take the maximum cash-out housing loan to repay him the 60k (of which 30k is not his) and the rest must be kept by him for his personal purchase of shop house and more rental for himself! The reason being he needs to look after himself and there are so many news saying children are not taking care of their parents!
But thinking aloud myself, did dad ever treat us as his children?
-The sorrow one
You make a big mistake, in UK, you should had read about christianity, then maybe you will be able to find another father, our lord to help you
Aiya, you UK graduate, what is 30 or 60k to you, just paid lah and start you life anew, earn big buck and if can, migrate back to UK to join those british bull dogs.
You are consider as middle class people, should be able to think for yourself, argue over a property and father, aiyoo aiyoo, many singaporeans on the street got no house leh
Originally posted by angel7030:Aiya, you UK graduate, what is 30 or 60k to you, just paid lah and start you life anew, earn big buck and if can, migrate back to UK to join those british bull dogs.
You are consider as middle class people, should be able to think for yourself, argue over a property and father, aiyoo aiyoo, many singaporeans on the street got no house leh
Eh, have to lah. No choice de.
If they don't , his mom may have to pay his dad a big sum of money to buy him out of his share on the house.
The problem with all family law in every country, if you too lenient.. you get eaten up alive by the other ruthless party.
Some more his dad has proven to be so despicable..
Best is protect yourself first.