Possessiveness in relationship
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I feel that it happens to be but in another way round? Im a female and its my bf that is being real possessiveOriginally posted by OrionB:I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship.
One thing for sure, I admit that I am a possessive girlfriend. To what extent, maybe you guys can decide for me?
A typical scenario would be I am displease whenever he's around girls. I could just start an argument over little things that concern his girl-friends. Is this normal? Or am I being overly-possessive? Sigh. I know he isn;t the type who would turn his back against me, but still, knowing that he is around girls just make me feel ultra uncomfortable. What's with me? He tries to pacify me sometimes, and after awhile I would brush it away and be back to normal. But it comes back again.
I think I have highly fluctuating moods.
Another thing is that, I am extremely unhappy whenever he neglects me or something like that. For eg, if he replies a tad late (via sms most of the time), or if he forgets something such as bringing smth he said he would bring during our date, I'll be utterly upset.
This is childish, I know. But I can't seem to run away from this nature in me! One moment, i resolve to be selfless, that love should not be selfish, that i should trust him blah blah, and the next day, my willpower dissolve and I am back to the immature me.
There were times I blurted out hinting that we should just end the relationship, but somehow or other, we managed to resolve our problems at that point of time and continued being together. But that was only temporary before my childish act comes running back to me.
Friendships were never like this, only relationships. My previous one was the worst one ever, I don;t noe if it affected me into how I am today.
But that's not the point, I just want to know how should I (the possessive one) handle the relationship? Or should I set my partner free? I know he feels suffocated at times. Haiz.
I sometimes wonder if I should had step into a relation at all in the first place. Right now, whenever I feel like letting go, pain stops me completely. It's too hard to say break up. It hurts like crazy. -
1st step to solving a problem? Acknowledgement of the problem..
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Yunhaier is professional relationship analyser?
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Your problems are simpleOriginally posted by OrionB:I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship.
One thing for sure, I admit that I am a possessive girlfriend. To what extent, maybe you guys can decide for me?
A typical scenario would be I am displease whenever he's around girls. I could just start an argument over little things that concern his girl-friends. Is this normal? Or am I being overly-possessive? Sigh. I know he isn;t the type who would turn his back against me, but still, knowing that he is around girls just make me feel ultra uncomfortable. What's with me? He tries to pacify me sometimes, and after awhile I would brush it away and be back to normal. But it comes back again.
I think I have highly fluctuating moods.
Another thing is that, I am extremely unhappy whenever he neglects me or something like that. For eg, if he replies a tad late (via sms most of the time), or if he forgets something such as bringing smth he said he would bring during our date, I'll be utterly upset.
This is childish, I know. But I can't seem to run away from this nature in me! One moment, i resolve to be selfless, that love should not be selfish, that i should trust him blah blah, and the next day, my willpower dissolve and I am back to the immature me.
There were times I blurted out hinting that we should just end the relationship, but somehow or other, we managed to resolve our problems at that point of time and continued being together. But that was only temporary before my childish act comes running back to me.
Friendships were never like this, only relationships. My previous one was the worst one ever, I don;t noe if it affected me into how I am today.
But that's not the point, I just want to know how should I (the possessive one) handle the relationship? Or should I set my partner free? I know he feels suffocated at times. Haiz.
I sometimes wonder if I should had step into a relation at all in the first place. Right now, whenever I feel like letting go, pain stops me completely. It's too hard to say break up. It hurts like crazy.
1: Possessive
2: Taking your BF for granted
3: Act on Impulse [Not thinking of consequences]
4: Over Suspicious [of your BF]
5: No Trust in your current BF
6: At a Lost, can't control yourself [Presume it's deal to negative experiences in the past]
7: Sticky [Perhaps only: Presume you're possessive due to the fact you want him to stick to you and not to anybody else; Bear in mind: Personal Freedom & Space are factors which are required for relationships to last longer.]
Just bear in mind that everybody is trying to learn and improve.
If your current bf is understanding enough, try to amend your faults now, else you will face the same problems again and again.
If you need more advice, "Send Message" Button [Msg people who's advices works best for you] is always around, since there's people who might rub salt into the wound at times.
Good Luck. -
Totally AgreeOriginally posted by cApitaland:Yunhaier is professional relationship analyser?
You can PM her if your problems. -
wow to yunhaier's reply.
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Yes, I do know where possessiveness exist, it isn't love...
You lead a very intense relationship because you are unable to tame your emotions and yet allow it to consume you absolutely. Your failure to evolve has little to do with willpower; possessiveness can only be dissolve through wisdom and higher enlightenment. And ironically, pain exalts possessiveness. Therefore without the presence of wisdom, it's often reiterated cosmic lessons.
No amount of induced pressure can dispel this emotional juggernaut - you will only heighten your frustration and deepen the intensity of your struggle. There are many possibilities as of how did you acquire this poison in life, but regardless of circumstances, one thing remains common: possessive is almost like an emotional Trojan residing inside of you, perpetually seeking to introduce 'communism' with every relationship you encounter, as you see your partner as a form of commodity/possession, subconsciously working to deprive of your relationship of maturity, space and growth (it's worst if you are heavily bogged down by several fixed aspects in your natal chart).
The truth is that you will eventually ravage your own relationship with your bare hands as your emotional affliction take step to dominate - akin to demonic possession. You find yourself usurping the crown of power and tilt the equilibrium towards you in full swing, albeit the division of power is originally split equally between the couple.
*** Allow me to banish some myth in which you would probably see yourself in:
I) "I am possessiveness because I am afraid of losing someone I love. And it's only right because it's somebody I love.'
The truth is that you indulge yourself in fear - so much fear that the essence of love is hardly even present. The word 'Love' is very much desecrated by the notion of fear, like a malicious spirit lurking behind a corrupted idol. If I could reframe the context, it will look like this:
[b]"I am possessiveness because I am fearful. And it's only right because I fear.'
And I tell you because of ONE negativity, your entire life actually work to compromise and bends, sometimes illogically and breaking structures, outwardly to support this fear.
Let me illustrate a linear example that comes back in one circle:
> Because you fear, you are possessive.
> Because you are possessive, you exert militaristic control.
> Because you militaristic control, you rob space & growth of your love.
> Because you rob space & growth of your love, the foundation of your relationship is feeble.
> Because your foundation of your relationship is feeble, your relationship does not have the natural mechanism to fend off crisis.
> Because your relationship is unable to fend off crisis, it perishes or decimate greatly.
> Because your relationship perishes or decimate, it triggers more fear.
> And the cycle repeats.
In reality, the above relationship is much more complex - the connection is usually more radical, affecting all aspects of your life.
Just because of ONE negative condition in life - Fear.
***
II) 'Being possessive is natural'
That's completely bull - Possessiveness is an affliction that disguised itself behind many 'noble' intention/s. The noble intention is but a facade.
*** In my years of doing relationship analysis, I can tell you that people suffering from possessiveness never truly shake away from this. Most people live with this affliction till they expire from earth and thus, they will never experience the true happiness of love - forever chain up in primary dimension of love... never promoting.
There's only three ways to eliminate this Scorpio-classic: I will tell you the third pointer
Achieve human revolution – You first learn to discard your old self and learn to accept growth in love - not deny them. You learn to confront your fear and not having to succumb to it by having to compromise your circumstance to patch this negativity. Be religious and spiritual; pray with conviction to the higher entity you believe in or communicate to your inner self in sincere dialogue to evolve and the strength to remove this affliction that prevents you from attaining true happiness.
Cheers[/b]
Regading human revolution, what you wrote it may all just seem 'easy to say, but hard to do', but in the end, I will still have to do it. Can't possibly lead my life this way anymore.
I am already in a religion, but not so much of passion and conviction as of yet. Perhaps it's time to try. I really need a whole lot of determination...
Sigh, I just find it really confusing. I am one who doesn't revolve my whole world around him, and it's not that i lack self-confidence, or friends, but still insecurity/possessiveness bites into me somehow. -
Word form, those problems may seem so simple, but in reality, these whirl of emotions are really overwhelming to me. I could just break down in the wee hours of the night and cry my heart out at times. After the bad sobbing, I lay there thinking, what exactly do I want from him, and my mind would be in a blank. I don't even know what to expect from him anymore.Originally posted by the_fallen:Your problems are simple
1: Possessive
2: Taking your BF for granted
3: Act on Impulse [Not thinking of consequences]
4: Over Suspicious [of your BF]
5: No Trust in your current BF
6: At a Lost, can't control yourself [Presume it's deal to negative experiences in the past]
7: Sticky [Perhaps only: Presume you're possessive due to the fact you want him to stick to you and not to anybody else; Bear in mind: Personal Freedom & Space are factors which are required for relationships to last longer.]
Just bear in mind that everybody is trying to learn and improve.
If your current bf is understanding enough, try to amend your faults now, else you will face the same problems again and again.
If you need more advice, "Send Message" Button [Msg people who's advices works best for you] is always around, since there's people who might rub salt into the wound at times.
Good Luck.
I have already read up on relationship issues. Yes, it requires space, freedom for it to grow. I know all these, yet I can't hold these fundamentals in hand in this relationship. I tried, but failed... But I will try harder. Sigh, he is really forgiving, I feel like I don't deserve him...
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Agrees!! I acknowledge it. 2nd step is to CHANGE, totally. Oh man, I'm stuck here...Originally posted by dinky1409:1st step to solving a problem? Acknowledgement of the problem..
Really? Is it due to your inactiveness in the relationship??Originally posted by hEaveN tEars:I feel that it happens to be but in another way round? Im a female and its my bf that is being real possessive
Anyway, I really thank all of you guys for the advices. It is all upon me to make the revolution though. >.< -
Relationship is like that one...
sometime , friendship can also become like that!
learn to control ur behaviour and emotion.
if is normal when you are uncomfortable when ur bf is with other girls... that mean that you care for him and a bit processive... but learn to control those acts as it can hurt the relationship with him... -
Originally posted by OrionB:Yes, I do know where possessiveness exist, it isn't love...
Regading human revolution, what you wrote it may all just seem 'easy to say, but hard to do', but in the end, I will still have to do it. Can't possibly lead my life this way anymore.
I am already in a religion, but not so much of passion and conviction as of yet. Perhaps it's time to try. I really need a whole lot of determination...
Sigh, I just find it really confusing. I am one who doesn't revolve my whole world around him, and it's not that i lack self-confidence, or friends, but still insecurity/possessiveness bites into me somehow. It's how you position your perception that makes a world of difference.
If you see it as a liability and not truly a motivation spur from individual evolution, chances you wouldn't have the necessary endurance to see through any significant changes. Your subconscious would probably view it as 'I need to' - when it should be 'Why I should'.
A murderer need not be a violent man - likewise, an insecure person can exist even if you do not fit under the classic conditions of the norm. Like I have mentioned, the possibilities are many - who knows, I might just uncover the rationale of your affliction by studying your domestic environment or even your early childhood development.
To surmount challenges in love is certainly a daunting task. To begin, one must have the initiative and drive to strike out. On a positive note, you do have the wanting to change yourself, but it's really more than just work hard. Knowing where the rot lies and addressing it properly will mould your personality and relationship better.
Constantly telling yourself that you shouldn't do this or that is what I called hard work that eventually amounts to nothing. You see - you tried, but it had little success because you are just pushing yourself to behave in a pattern that is against your 'natural state of your emotions'.
The definition of 'natural' is simply the way your personality automatically reacts to your environment - namely the possessiveness that triggers itself every time your boyfriend sparks an event that fire off your affliction.
To your emotions: that's the natural mode of behaviour. And now you are telling your emotions not to react this way?
You see the conflicts?
You got to do more than just 'selling of concepts' to your mind - you got to implement it into your core values and BELIEVE in what you have introduced with great conviction and trust that it will help you achieve a better personality and relationship. Note that I did not say it guarantees you an everlasting love - but certainly you will breathe easier in your relationship.
Cheers -
Yunhaier is a guy iirc from somewhere. Anyway, as usual, another great advice by him.Originally posted by the_fallen:Totally Agree
You can PM her if your problems. -
Learn to control you feelings and emotions... or you will be a failure in life... well, at least not fulfill your potential...Originally posted by OrionB:I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship. -
i think...
1st is you must really get to know his friends..
2nd is lower your expectations of him.. but not too low.. just dun expect too much from him.. everybody has a weakness.. not everyone is perfect... -
There has to be reasons for any actions. Do you know why you are behaving like that? Think through why and you will naturally see for yourself if you are possessive or not.Originally posted by OrionB:I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship.
One thing for sure, I admit that I am a possessive girlfriend. To what extent, maybe you guys can decide for me?
A typical scenario would be I am displease whenever he's around girls. I could just start an argument over little things that concern his girl-friends. Is this normal? Or am I being overly-possessive? Sigh. I know he isn;t the type who would turn his back against me, but still, knowing that he is around girls just make me feel ultra uncomfortable. What's with me? He tries to pacify me sometimes, and after awhile I would brush it away and be back to normal. But it comes back again.
I think I have highly fluctuating moods.
Another thing is that, I am extremely unhappy whenever he neglects me or something like that. For eg, if he replies a tad late (via sms most of the time), or if he forgets something such as bringing smth he said he would bring during our date, I'll be utterly upset.
This is childish, I know. But I can't seem to run away from this nature in me! One moment, i resolve to be selfless, that love should not be selfish, that i should trust him blah blah, and the next day, my willpower dissolve and I am back to the immature me.
There were times I blurted out hinting that we should just end the relationship, but somehow or other, we managed to resolve our problems at that point of time and continued being together. But that was only temporary before my childish act comes running back to me.
Friendships were never like this, only relationships. My previous one was the worst one ever, I don;t noe if it affected me into how I am today.
But that's not the point, I just want to know how should I (the possessive one) handle the relationship? Or should I set my partner free? I know he feels suffocated at times. Haiz.
I sometimes wonder if I should had step into a relation at all in the first place. Right now, whenever I feel like letting go, pain stops me completely. It's too hard to say break up. It hurts like crazy.
It's funny that you claimed that you know it's childish yet you still do it...umm..
It takes two hands to clap and as long as you can find someone to 'match' your style', you will be fine! -
exchange bf! (: possessive gf with possessive bf..happy ever afterOriginally posted by hEaveN tEars:I feel that it happens to be but in another way round? Im a female and its my bf that is being real possessive -
hahas! that would be great. i'll be saved from those agony.Originally posted by dearie^^:exchange bf! (: possessive gf with possessive bf..happy ever after -
You sound like my GF.
